As I write, it’s 9:20 p.m., and I am trying to learn the contract software I’ll use in my new gig as a REALTOR®, but instead, I got distracted by the dinging on Facebook…and now I’ve got potty training on my mind.
I am in an “Oh Crap Potty Training Unofficial Book Club” Facebook group, and I oftentimes respond to parents’ desperate requests for help because, let’s face it, potty training sucks! Potty training my now threenager was, by far, the hardest thing I’ve had to do as a parent. It’s also the only time I’ve read a parenting book since having both my babies. I am under the impression that, as parents, we ultimately know what to do when it comes to our children, unless there really is a severe issue. I’ve also found that friends who like to read and read and read and then Google are the ones whose imaginations run wild, causing more stress. Stop trying to figure everything out, and just do what works best for you and your kids. You’re likely very intelligent and a great parent already, but all bets are off when it comes to potty training.
It’s hard, and it’s emotionally draining for everyone involved, but I had no clue where to start, so I did read. One book. I highly recommend “Oh Crap! Potty Training; Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right” by Jamie Glowacki. It was a no BS-type of book, and it made me realize how disciplined and committed we’d have to be once we decided to start training. My suggestion, read the book before attempting potty training. There are even cliffs notes at the end, should you or your significant other not have time to read. I know there are some who claim their kids were trained in three days, but that wasn’t the case for us. It took us about two months, but she was day and night trained at the end of it. This post is not meant to deter or scare, but it is a dose of reality, and I hope it’s somewhat encouraging too. I seem to have become a potty training guru amongst my friends, hence my reason for this post.
Here’s how to start. Pookie watched and helped me put all of her diapers in a big garbage bag, and we took them to the outside trash can. (Of course I went back and hid them in the house later. Those things aren’t cheap people.) She was either completely naked or wearing just a shirt for a week, and we were at home that entire week, just Pookie, a four-month old and me. (Set aside at least three full days.) And talk about stir crazy. I didn’t realize Pookie and I were depressed until we took a trip to the zoo as a family a week after starting. It was like God parted the sky, and this beam of light shone down on us.
One of my best tricks…I gave her a ton of pedicures. I’d sit outside or in the bathroom with a bowl full of warm water while she sat on her potty. I’d soak her feet, and then leave one foot in the bowl, while I painted the toenails on her other foot. She would inevitably go pee, but in the moment I thought she’d never be able to go without having a pedicure.
We’d also play with Play-Doh, read books and drink juice boxes, all while she sat. We DID NOT reward her. We praised her, waved “bye-bye” to the waste, clapped and sang the “I am Proud of You” song. The book specifically recommends against giving rewards, so we didn’t do it, and I am glad we listened. We watched the Daniel Tiger, “Stop & Go Potty” song on YouTube A LOT, and I didn’t realize how many pictures of poop I’d end up sending Pat. I was beyond ecstatic every time she’d go because it was such an uphill battle. Who else could I share that with besides my hubby? It got her excited knowing I was sharing her successes too.
Our child, to this day, has a bladder of steel, but you quickly learn how often to prompt. I’d prompt her every two to three hours, and when I say, “prompt,” I mean saying things like, “Let me hear you make some music in the potty; it’s time to go pee pee in the potty; send your pee pee to the party; let it out.” YOU DON’T ASK IF HE/SHE HAS TO GO. It’s the same thing when it comes to parenting. You don’t say, “OK, what do you think about going to bed now, or how about we get ready for bed?” Are you crazy? That tactic obviously never worked for anyone.
Soooooo….after that bottomless week confined to the house, Pookie went commando for a month! If you read the book, everything is a phased approach, so until your kiddo is going poop and pee in the potty with you prompting and/or them self initiating, don’t move on to commando. She wore a lot of skirts, dresses, shorts and jeans…not tight leggings. Until the child is initiating and really has the hang of it, don’t try to put underpants on him/her; this is part of the reason I didn’t dress her in leggings. You will only cause regression and kick yourself for it later.
Your life doesn’t have to stop once they’re past the naked stage. We went to church, out on our routine outings, and I had a potty seat in the back of my car and one in my bag or stroller. (I wish I would’ve had this potty seat and liners from the beginning.) I’d pull the car over whenever she claimed she had to go, and I carried dog poop bags in the diaper bag. (Poop bags are actually a good rule of thumb anyway.) I had Post-it® notes to put over the public toilet sensors too. (I can only imagine how frightening that would be to have this monstrous toilet flush with that little behind sitting there.) If she had to go when we were far from a toilet, you best believe I’d whip that potty seat out and place it in the bushes or behind a tree. I didn’t really care. Parking lot? Why not?
Remember too, they are so used to pooping and peeing in a diaper that’s plastered to their parts, so that feeling of no longer having something there to catch your piddle causes panic. We tried training Pookie just before she turned two, and she was terrified of peeing, so I told myself she wasn’t ready. Dammit! I wish I had read “Oh Crap Potty Training” then! She was ready. Instead, we trained her at 29 months, which is around the time she stopped giving two poops about what we told her to do or not do, and it became a battle of wills. The author recommends starting between 18 and 30 months. The biggest culprit for us? Poop withholding.
It was very concerning too. You hear of bowel blockages causing serious issues, even death, so I wasn’t messing around. The pediatrician’s advice, “Just put a diaper on her.” Ummmm…thanks doc, but do you know how far we’ve come? How much we’ve sacrificed? That wasn’t going to happen.
Nighttime training sucked too, mostly because of the inconveniences. We did what we had to do though. We have a very strong-willed child, who would hold her poop until we put her in a Pull-Up®. Let me just tell you, whoever came up with Pull-Ups®, and “I am a big kid now” was a genius, but he/she seriously did the rest of us a disservice. THEY ARE DIAPERS PEOPLE. There’s nothing grown up about them, and they will only prolong the process, so throw them out.
The first three nights were brutal. We changed sheets a couple times each night, even though we had trash bags on top of the waterproof mattress pad. The sheets and pad were soaked. We would wake her up at 10 p.m. (before we went to bed) and again at 2 a.m. I’d sit with her until she went to the bathroom at 10 p.m., and it would sometimes turn into a battle, but don’t give in. I didn’t care how badly she was crying to go back to bed. She’d sit until she went. I’d straddle the potty and hug her, while she rested her head on my shoulder, and she’d go. The hubby was better with the 2 a.m. potty break, and after a couple weeks, we cut out one wakeup call, and Pat did a midnight prompt. We also put a potty right by her bed, and we’d wake up to the sound of, “I weeeeennnnnnnt poootttttyyyyyyy!” That potty seat is still there to this day (during naps and nighttime).
Something to consider…even though Pat is the patient one, potty training was his downfall. The way he saw it…you sit; you feel it; you let it out! So when it didn’t quite work like that, his attitude tainted the dynamic. He still helped a lot, and he did a lot of the nighttime training because my middle-of-the-night dynamic wasn’t helpful. And, no, I wasn’t just trying to get out of being awake in the middle of the night. He had/has a calmer presence, and we found what would work for us and her. The author says you can wait to nighttime train, but I personally would get it out of the way, especially if your kiddo holds it until you put a diaper on for naps or bedtime.
We also ended up having to administer suppositories two or three times in the span of about a week. The child would just hold it. She would complain about her tummy hurting; you could tell she had to go, but she just kept holding it. I really believe it was probably more traumatic for Pat and me. Suppositories are supposed to start working within 20 mins, but with my “expert withholder” it took two hours for her to finally cave! It wasn’t fun for anyone, but when you hear about blockages and horrible stories associated with them you do what needs to be done, and diapers weren’t the right answer. I honestly think she’d still be in them. It’s a battle of wits, and as the parent you really need to win this fight. When you do you’ll be thankful because it will be two months of hell vs having a kid who is NOT trained a year from now. Why prolong the process?
My other piece of advise…RELAX. When you consciously decide to stop focusing on the stress of your kiddo not getting the hang of it or withholding it really does ease the tension around the whole situation. I got to the point, where I would’ve welcomed her pooping on the floor. That’s how stressed and anxious I was. But between the suppositories and consciously not making her sit on the potty when I was desperate for her to go, it all worked out.
The suppository experiences were tough, but it is just as traumatic seeing your kiddo uncomfortable for so long, which is why we used suppositories. We tried Miralax too, but it wasn’t working, and I didn’t want to keep her on it. (I wish I would’ve started her on Plexus’ XFactor Kids during potty training. That 2-in-1 multivitamin and probiotic is magical, and she now takes one every day. Also, the Orgain Kids Protein Shakes have sufficient fiber in them, and I swear every time she drinks one, she poops within 20 minute of finishing it.) I think you get to a breaking point where you’ll try anything, but I refused to put a diaper on her. I made her believe I threw them all out too, so if I all of sudden I started whipping out diapers, what would that have said to her? Kids are so incredibly smart, and for those strong-willed ones, it’s especially tough, but you can do this, and you have a community of people around you who are willing to help or at least provide advice, even when you don’t want to hear it. 😉
Potty training was the hardest thing I’ve done as a parent, but it takes grace, patience, determination, prayer and wine to get you and your kiddo through it.
And don’t worry, our second born has been much easier thus far. She started showing interest at the beginning of the year, so we’ve been putting her on the potty regularly. She POOPS and pees! I haven’t been in the right mindset yet to commit to training her because of my REALTOR® training schedule, but we’re a week or so out, so say a prayer for us. Have questions? Throw them at me; I am ready!
What potty training tidbits can you share with the readers?
