Here it is…the conclusion to my 2018 reflections, coming just in time to prompt you to keep up with your resolutions for 2019. Remember, it takes about one month to form a habit, so don’t quit! These last three points I emphasize are truly foundational for all you wish to accomplish this year, whether it’s improving your relationships, losing weight, being a better parent, starting a business, etc. I believe these takeaways will position you to succeed, as long as you force yourself to follow through and form the right habits.
Be intentional in making time for your spouse or significant other. Our little Pookie was a honeymoon baby, so Pat and I really didn’t have much of a honeymoon stage to our marriage. Everything happened so quickly, and before we knew it our “adventurous dates” consisted of making dinners or getting takeout and relaxing in front of the TV. We realized we were slowly slipping into a state of complacency, so our New Year’s resolution the year we were married was to go on a date night once a month. We have missed very few date nights since January 2015. It truly makes a difference. If you are married, or even in a serious relationship, set aside one night (or day) every month for you and your significant other. Take turns planning something unique and fun. Sure, dinner and a movie is nice, but don’t do the same darn thing all of the time. And this isn’t just for the newly weds. Even if you’ve been married for 40+ years, make this happen. Check out “Come on Baby Light my Fire” at the end of this post for date night ideas. You’re welcome.
I’ll say this, and some will disagree, but marriage is meant to be the center of the home and family. The home should not revolve around the children or work. Your marriage comes first, and it’s just as important for you and your signifiant other to make time for one another as it is for the kids to see that mom and dad come first. For those of you with kids, try this…at the end of the work day, when you or your spouse walk through that door, greet your hubby or bride first. I am not saying to push the child aside if he/she goes running up to you, but make it a point to find your partner. And that’s just it, you are partners in your vocation, so stop with the excuses to not make each other a priority.
I have friends tell me they don’t go out at all, or some who won’t go without their kids because they don’t want to miss their time with their children. I’ll tell you what, going out with just your spouse for an evening will work wonders for your marriage, and it will help keep you united, making you better parents and lovers. What happens when those kids move out, if all you ever prioritized was your children? Our kiddos, as much as they might think they do, should not run the house. Every husband and wife should feel like a priority, and it’s easy for life to get in the way, so be intentional, and make date night happen. Woo your wife like you did when you were dating. Women like to be wooed, and ladies make your hubby feel needed and appreciated like he’s the king of the castle. Guys like to have their egos stroked.
Turn off the TV. Pat and I did this two evenings each week for awhile. Then summer vacations happened, and we got lazy, which is entirely too easy to do. Rather than being slugs every evening after the kids went to bed, we were focusing on our real estate business one evening and reading another. You’d be surprised how much you can get done in two to three hours when you’re not glued to mindless garbage. Though I’ll never give you up Meredith Grey, or as Pat calls it, “Doctors Who Can’t Communicate.” I know he secretly enjoys watching it, and if you didn’t catch his guest blog appearance last week, go check it out.
Over the past couple of months we’ve re-committed to changing this lazy behavior, and we’ve been much better about not sitting in front of the boob tube, as my mom likes to call it. We’ve been doing more reading, talking, and…well, you know. 😉
Also, do you remember how fun board/card games are? Try “7 Wonders: Duel” or “Lost Cities.” Pat and I have played “Lost Cities” a lot since receiving it as a Christmas present, and my brother-in-law really likes “7 Wonders: Duel.” There’s no TV. We just talk, play, and I kick his butt the majority of the time. 😉
Every individual, and marriage, can benefit from turning off the TV. It’s not easy though. Nowadays, we’re used to having noise all of the time, so when it’s absent it almost feels as though something is wrong. There are also so many good Netflix, HBO and Amazon Prime movies and series at your fingertips. Am I wrong? My challenge for anyone reading this is to break that cycle. Now don’t get crazy, I am not saying to give up TV all together, but figure out a new routine, and make it something attainable. Oh, and you know what we do when we have the TV on? We fold laundry! That way we suffer together. (I am sure all the men are thanking me profusely right now.)
Make family dinner a priority. We have family dinners nearly every night. Yes, it doesn’t always work out, but I am hopeful this sticks, especially as the girls get older, have more going on and less desire to hang out with their “cool” parents. Family dinner is so important, and I look back now on our family dinners as a kid, and while I dreaded them during my teenage years, my mom was adamant, and I am glad she forced the situation. We didn’t have phones, devices or TV in the background either. How refreshing! If you don’t know what to talk about, then read a short paragraph from a book or news article, and discuss it. If you’re anything like my family, you’ll likely have no trouble coming up with something to talk about. We enjoyed discussing the finer things…farts, poop, boy drama, sports, school projects, morality, ethics, etc., but that’s what families are supposed to do, and those moments are priceless. And if you do this now, hopefully your kids will continue talking with you the rest of their lives, especially during those rough teenage and young adult years.
What insights can you share that have been foundational to improving your relationships?
