Author: JugglingWorkMama

Hi, I am Kathryn. In a nutshell, I am a wife, mom, real estate entrepreneur, and most recently, a licensed associate at Keller Williams Realty. I am also gluten-free, Catholic, have multiple sclerosis and love wine, traveling, being outdoors and staying active. I’ve spent most of my life in Colorado, where I also met my husband, Pat, in 2013. We have two beautiful girls, a couple dogs and enjoy spending time together as family, which includes nightly family dinners, playing outside, traveling and camping. Juggling Work Mama encompasses all that makes up the circus we call parenthood, and it's sprinkled with the chaos of life and outside obligations. Sometimes it seems downright impossible to balance, but I hope you’ll find value (and humor) in my stories, tips and struggles. For more details on me, check out the “About Me” tab at the top. I look forward to hearing from you. xoxo, Kathryn

Coronavirus Chronicles

COVID-19 has been nothing short of surreal, and for many it will hit entirely too close to home. It has changed our daily lives and likely the way we go about our future, and while it has been tough, it has also been eye opening. My hope is we will become more connected with one another, God and our families. I encourage you to try and find the silver lining, and if you’re at a loss for things to do during this time, check out my suggestions. Read More

At first, there was nothing but hysteria, and now we’re starting to realize this may be the new normal for awhile. We’re in the midst of the Coronavirus, or COVID-19, pandemic, and no one knows what to do exactly or how to handle things. Toilet paper has been flying off the shelves, and I am sure at the end of all of this you’ll see some jerk returning to Costco with pallets they realized they couldn’t store, unless they purchased the shed on the Costco display too. Social media is nothing but COVID-19 news (meant to put the fear of God in you) and funny memes and videos, some of which are pretty good. One of my favorites went something like this: “With no where to go and nothing to do, there will be a spike in babies in roughly nine months. Over time we will come to call this generation Coronials. When they turn thirteen they will be quaranteens.” Just remember to contact me when you need a bigger home. 😉

I’ve been on so many Zoom calls and webinars lately, where everyone keeps talking about having all of the time in the world. They obviously don’t have small children, but guess what…they won’t be knocking off years of purgatory either. Just kidding, just kidding.

Speaking of Zoom calls. When we first started this whole social distancing thing, I used the video option so I could feel more connected to everyone on my Keller Williams Realty calls. Lately, I’ve realized I am hitting that “join with video” button less and less, seeing as showering has become an every-other-day kind of activity, and I don’t bother fixing my hair. Makeup was already something I didn’t embrace, so at least my face hasn’t changed.

Yes, social distancing has been a rude awakening for everyone, especially for those parents who work W-2 jobs in an office setting. All of a sudden they found themselves homeschooling, while trying to figure out the logistics of working from home. I admit, being the primary educator for my child was horrifying; however, I think it has likely brought me more grace and made me realize education doesn’t necessarily have to be as formal as it was when I was growing up. (To be honest, Pat and I aren’t even entirely behind sending our kids to college at this point.) I’ve stopped worrying about a structured curriculum as much, and I’ve come to realize when I start getting heated, the best approach is to walk away and come back to it later. Granted, my kiddo is also in preschool. I’ve been working primarily on letter sounds and writing with Pookie…one letter per day. Well, she kept referring to “itchy,” which I knew meant, “i,” but Pat was determined she thought “itchy” was a new letter in the alphabet. He may have been right, but I asked her tonight, “What letter is this?” as I drew a lower case “i” on a piece of paper, and she said, “i.” See, they get it, it may just not be right when you want them to get it. They’ll fall into line, exactly where they should and on their timeline.

Since all of this started, I’ve actually found it rejuvenating not to have the TV on in the morning. Pat gets the kids situated with breakfast, and then I assume responsibility for educating Pookie for about an hour. Then the girls play or do crafts. I’ll work with her periodically throughout the day too, but it’s less formal. We do daily walks, unless the weather is crummy, and we read more stories. The TV comes on around dinnertime, if at all, and we haven’t had it on during dinner more than a couple nights since all of this started. (I don’t even know what day it is anymore. Every day feels like a Wednesday, right?) We were pretty good about family dinners before COVID-19, but now we’ve perfected it. We may be the dinnertime family everyone else hates, but that’s OK because there are probably things your family does much better than ours. 😉

I won’t lie. There has been some anxiety on both Pat’s and my part. Despite having a full pantry, freezer and storage room, Pat looked at one too many headlines on Drudge at the beginning of all of this and didn’t think we had enough. Off to Costco he went to make sure we had enough for a couple months.  Normally, when he goes to Costco, he gets three items and comes straight home. This time, Pat was texting constantly, “They don’t have this…They do have that… Should I get this?” I learned Costco was out of toilet paper (no surprise), baby wipes (no surprise), bulk rice (no surprise), but they did have canned beans, oatmeal, cereal, cheese and canned tuna. Don’t worry, they also had a ton of bottled water, should our water be turned off, but I was really more worried about stocking up on liquor.

These days, after a Costco run, I take everything out of the cardboard boxes or plastic wrap and dump it on the kitchen floor. I then wash the fruits or veggies in baking soda prior to sticking them in the fridge, and I Clorox wipe any containers before putting them in the pantry. I’ve now brought another level of anxiety into my OCD husband’s eyes. I honestly don’t know how we will avoid catching the rona, but I am just praying we don’t pass it onto those who may not be able to fight it.

This may not be the year any of us envisioned for ourselves, but I hope you’ll be able to find the silver lining. Maybe this is your year to:

  • Grow closer in your relationships,
  • Write a book,
  • Realize you may want to do this homeschooling thing on a permanent basis,
  • Better yourself physically,
  • Focus on your family,
  • Grow your relationship with God,
  • Create your new business endeavor,
  • Let yourself go gray, or
  • REALLY learn patience.

We are so used to having everything at our fingertips, right when we want it. When I lived in Costa Rica for one year after college, I remember being content with just living. I didn’t care if I didn’t get a haircut the weekend I planned to have it cut. I stopped caring if my English class was cancelled because of a “cafecito” (aka, little coffee break), but guess what? Those people knew how to live. They were living the way we’re being forced to live now, and they were much happier and less stressed for it. Moving abroad wasn’t hard, but coming back here was brutal. No one knew what it was like for me living among my Costa Rican friends and family, but now you have a glimpse. We still had periodic social functions, yes, but my days were full of what, at first, seemed like a never-ending dull routine, or lack thereof, that I ended up embracing whole heartedly. While my life now is different than what it was like living in Costa Rica as a single 24-year-old, I am able to draw many parallels, and I am optimistic this time will work wonders for us as a nation. When things get back to “normal,” I expect some of us to actually experience a bit of culture shock. We’ll have started conditioning ourselves to being around our families, having meaningful conversations and connecting with old friends. Then, COVID-19 will pass, and things will go back to business as usual for many of us. THAT will be a rude awakening. Real estate may never go back to the way it was. I think COVID-19 has opened our eyes to quite a few efficiencies, and some of these virtual options will likely stick around.

I firmly believe at the end of this, we will become a more united society and family unit. Noise has taken over our lives, and if there’s any silver lining with the pandemic, I hope it’s that we see the opportunity to draw closer to our faith and become more communicative, relationship based and familial. My heart hurts for those who are alone during this time because while being in quarantine with small children has its moments, we are the envy of those without distraction. Our girls also have a constant playmate in one another, and our little Peanut is too little to remember any of this. I truly count my blessings. It was during a front yard picnic a few days ago, when Pookie said, “You know what? This is actually pretty fun.” It was in that moment that I realized she will remember this chapter in her life, and how she decides to remember it will be almost entirely based on how Pat and I choose to respond to it. No, she didn’t get her five-year-old birthday party, but guess what…there’s always six, and she had a blast with her family anyway. We did presents and cake on Saturday, and on Monday (her actual birthday) we were outside with chalk and finger paints; her little friend from school did a drive-by birthday song; we got on FaceTime with some family members; our neighbor dropped off a re-gifted bag o’ stuff that Pookie loved; she ate Kraft Mac & Cheese; and we flew a kite down our street.

Our kids nowadays are given the world, when really maybe all they need is to learn in 20-minute increments throughout each day, to have picnics, do crafts, make cookies and play ball tag in the basement. Don’t feel like you’re letting them down because you can’t keep up with your job and homeschooling. They won’t flunk their current grade because of you, but they will remember the time they got to spend with you, what you taught them and what games you played.

Poopocalypse

You know what’s difficult? Three kids, that’s what. Pat and I embraced one like champions, and two kids wasn’t much different. We felt, and maybe even looked like, superheroes. Well, God is now up there laughing at us because He has finally given us a taste of humble pie. After the night we had last night (more to follow), I told Pat, “I don’t think God will give us a fourth; I think He knows this is as much as we can handle.” Pat quickly disagreed, as he believes the Man Upstairs has a more vicious sense of humor than I do. I guess we’ll see in time. We will always be open to life, and natural family planning has worked as planned thus far, so we shall see how our future unfolds. In the meantime though, we’re navigating three, and the hardest part has been the older two. The drama queen and the opinionated, obnoxious, strong willed four-and-a-half-year-old girl who argues with everything are enough to put me over the edge. Add our newest bundle of joy (i.e., Peanut) to the mix, and we’ve got a three-ring circus. He is the most precious, snuggly, gassy guy who enjoys crying more than his sisters did and sleeping less too. We didn’t realize how lucky we were to have two babies come home from the hospital literally sleeping through the night. Both our girls were great babies, so it was our turn to experience the other kind of kiddo. Right?

While he really is precious (when he’s not losing it), he is a boy. He farts, grunts, burps (more like belches), snores, goes through diapers at an alarming rate and wakes up every few hours throughout the night. We have been using gripe water and gas drops like nobody’s business, and let me just tell you about the invention called the Windi. Our Aunt Katie now wants to know if it comes in an adult size for a gag gift, after I handed one off to my sister-in-law at her baby shower. I haven’t looked into it, but if it doesn’t then Fridababy has a new market they should consider targeting. This nifty little contraption is made by the same group who invented the NoseFrida (aka, snot sucker), and it’s pretty much a kazoo for the butt. The instructions warn you to be prepared for a messy experience, so now I’ve warned you too. The gist…you lube up and insert a one inch piece into your little one’s gassy backside, and if you hear what can best be described as a whistle, then you’re doing something right. It was rather frightening at first, but it helped out our Peanut and allowed us to sleep longer that night.

Sleeping, of course, is precious, but trying to find the right time to do the last feeding, get some alone time in there and get to bed in a timely manner takes a bit of juggling. On Saturday, we decided to head to bed around 10 p.m. to ensure we were in bed by 11. As I brushed my teeth, I noticed Pat grinning behind me. As I turned, he said, “Punkin’ had an accident. There’s poop on the floor.” The culprit wasn’t the baby this time. I followed him to the room with toothbrush in hand, gazed down at the trail of poop and chuckled. In hindsight, I wish I wouldn’t have chuckled because it was far from funny.

I finished brushing my teeth before dealing with the poop. I shouldn’t have given myself those extra couple minutes of brushing because that gave Pat enough time to pick up the pieces of poop without marking where they had been. Maybe keeping a pack of golf markers in the rooms would be helpful. Obviously Pat wasn’t thinking through the entire process before starting cleanup. Is that a male trait, or is it just my husband? In the long run it didn’t matter, but I’ll explain later.

As I peeled back Punkin’s sheets I saw what looked like a muddy puddle scene from “Peppa Pig.” I grabbed Sleeping Poopy and headed for the bathroom when Pat offered to take her. What a kind sentiment that was because he really wouldn’t have lasted two minutes with her. Again, I was thinking ahead, and he wasn’t.

Continue reading “Poopocalypse”

The Art of Camping

Camping is a time-intensive hobby, but throw in kids, and you’ve got the makings for a three-ring circus. The amount of time that goes into packing, preparing for all kinds of weather, remembering odds and ends to assist in meal prep and clean up and ensuring all sleeping materials are accounted for is enough to deter many from wanting to experience camping. The amount of smoke-filled laundry to wash upon returning isn’t the most fun either, but don’t get me wrong, it’s a blast! Honest.

Our family has come to enjoy the outdoor experience, and the girls have taken to entertaining themselves with rocks, sticks and their imaginations. I think part of the pleasure comes from being able to completely unplug from technology for a few days and not worry about much else except having a good time with family and friends. It’s refreshing and rejuvenates your soul.

This summer has been full of camping, and even though I am seven months pregnant, I am still enjoying it. Yes, we tent camp, but I made sure I had a two-inch memory foam rollout mat to sleep on before making the decision to camp all summer. It’s quite comfortable, and it came from my favorite store (Costco), so what’s not to love?

The thing about preparing for a camping trip is to get the process down to a science. Have a camping box ready to go with camping staples and a shelf in the garage with the camping gear. When the time comes to camp, collect perishable items and start throwing things in your camping box and cooler. You’ll be good to go. I’ve prepared a two-page checklist, and I hope it’s as helpful for you as it is for us. Remember the following Six Ground Rules below too. You can thank me later. 🙂

Six Ground Rules:

    1. Don’t set your expectations high. Better yet, don’t have any.
    2. Your kids will get filthy; it means they’re having fun.
    3. Sleep is overrated, especially the first night. Don’t count on getting your beauty rest.
    4. Marshmallows make a big mess, but they’re entirely necessary.
    5. It’s never too early to crack a beer or your beverage of choice.
    6. You can never have too much firewood.

Note: Campgrounds fill up quickly, so if you want to go camping start thinking about booking those sites at the beginning of the year. Visit recreation.gov, and look for open weekends or your preferred weeks. On average, it costs around $25/night to book.

Below are brief descriptions of the campgrounds we visited and some of our memories from the summer. Enjoy!

Buffalo Campground in Roosevelt National Forest (Near Pine, CO)

This campground is smaller and more compact, but it’s also much closer to Denver than most. They have picnic tables, good tree coverage, vaulted toilets and drinking water. Dogs are allowed.

Our first attempt at camping this year was an epic fail. It was the weekend of June 21-23, and on June 21, the first day of summer, it snowed. It was a good thing we didn’t try to brave it much longer than we did. It was raining and hailing on our way to the site, and being the adventurous person I am, I talked Pat into continuing onward. He begrudgingly honored my wishes and kept driving. We arrived at the campsite, unpacked and setup, ate dinner under the canopy, roasted marshmallows over the stove’s burner, packed everything back up and left. It was likely the shortest camping trip ever. We got the full experience though of setting up, tearing down, eating and packing back up. Isn’t that what it’s all about anyway? Had the girls listened and stayed under the canopy, per our instructions, we may have made it, but what kid listens? They were soaked, and then the temperature dropped, so it wasn’t a good way to go into a night of 30 degree temperatures. Pat was no doubt ecstatic to be able to sleep in his own bed that night, and thank goodness our drive wasn’t crazy long. 

Chambers Lake (Near Poudre Canyon)

We’ve been to this campground several times now, and we love it. It’s near water and has a lot of tree coverage, picnic tables, nearby hikes, a park for the kiddos, vaulted toilets and drinking water. The drive is pretty long, and should you leave on a Friday, be prepared for an obscene amount of traffic. Feel free to bring the dog(s) and anything you want to take out on the water.

We planned to leave at 2:30 p.m. and instead left at 3:30 p.m., adding another two hours to the commute. We had to forfeit our plans for bratwursts and stop at a Qdoba outside Fort Collins before heading up the Poudre Canyon, where there is nothing for miles. We arrived at our site just before nightfall and squeezed in s’mores. On Saturday, we passed the time at Chambers Lake skipping and throwing rocks, watching the girls run around and playing at the park. It’s a beautiful spot and worth the drive.

Glacier Basin Campground in Rocky Mountain National Park (Outside of Estes Park)

Glacier Basin is beautiful, of course. It’s a bit close quarters, and apparently we missed the memo on bringing the kids’ bikes/scooters. It’s a well-traveled campground, and to our dismay the campsites aren’t equipped with bear boxes, at least not all of them. There are actual bathrooms though versus the standard vaulted toilets, and there’s running water and a sink in which to wash your dishes. This site is pretty glamorous…almost didn’t feel like camping. 😉 They also have evening hour-long shows for the families and Sunday church services for non-denominational religions. While the campground allows dogs, Rocky Mountain National Park is not pet friendly. Dogs are not permitted on the trails or open areas, so it makes it difficult to do much site seeing, if you have dogs.

When camping with kids, it’s smart not to get your hopes up for any kind of hiking, unless you have hiking packs and the ability to carry them. Even then, don’t plan on perfection. Our four-year-old is actually pretty good at hiking, but our little Punkin’…forget it. Her legs apparently stop working after five minutes of walking, and the easiest way to move along is to suck it up and carry her. That kid weighs as much as a sack of potatoes. Not ideal.

The girls are perfectly content entertaining themselves though, and Punkin’ can sit and color for awhile. She has some mad focusing skills. I enjoy the break in just sitting and watching them too, but sometimes those mad focusing skills are so great she forgets where to go potty, so the mama moment of serenity quickly ends. As a parent, life is always busy, but camping gives you the opportunity to catch your breath, so soak it in for as long as it lasts.

Cow Creek South (White River National Forest)

This is a great spot if you enjoy the water and want a place to play with your water toys. It’s still great, even if you don’t have fancy toys. The sites are spread out with plenty of room for multiple tents. Be prepared to pay $6/day/extra vehicle. There are vaulted toilets, but we didn’t see anywhere to fill up water jugs, so bring plenty because it’s hot! Also, there isn’t any shade because you’re on the banks of a reservoir. There are picnic tables, but I’d bring two canopies, if possible. Dogs are allowed, and if your dog likes water he/she will be in heaven. The biggest downside is I-70 traffic in either direction. 

Well, it hit me on this trip…the pregnancy that is. Hey, it only took six months. It started when we had to pull over on I-70 for Punkin’ to pee, so obviously I had to go too. Pat was mortified because he was sure I mooned every passerby. My bladder is the size of a pea anymore. We also spent all day in the sun on Saturday, and by late afternoon you couldn’t have paid me to move my butt off the chair. I was useless, and I watched my friend Daphne tidy up the site and help keep my children in line, while I sat. Like any good friend though, she said I could pay her back when she got pregars again.

This trip was fun too because the girls each had a playmate. When camping, it’s easier if you have other kids in the group to entertain your little ones, but it’s obviously not necessary. Bubbles are always fun, and hey, water guns would’ve been a good addition to this trip. A lesson in s’more stick/kabob skewer safety is never a bad idea either. Pookie almost had her eye poked out, but it was thankfully just a bruise below the bottom lashes. She didn’t even cry.

We’ve got one more camping trip this summer; I guess September is considered fall, right? I am hoping I can make this mid-September trip with our friends because at the moment I feel very large. I honestly don’t know where this baby will go, as I fear I’ve run out of room. This last trip is at Golden Gate Canyon State Park, which is approximately one hour away. We’ll see how it all unfolds. Stay tuned.

I’d love to hear about your camping go-tos and must-haves. Please submit a comment. 

Favorite Meals (Mix n’ Match):

    • Burgers and salad
    • Bratwursts and salad
    • Trucker Meal (Wrap raw ground beef, raw/frozen veggies, salt and pepper in foil, and throw it over the fire.) Use your best guess as to when it’s done, and dig in.
    • Birch Benders Paleo Pancake Mix (All you need to add is water.)
    • Jimmy Dean Breakfast Sausages (They’re already cooked, so really you’re simply heating them up.)
    • Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches
    • Sargento Balanced Breaks Snack Packs
    • Fruit
    • Eggs
    • String Cheese

 

Drama Queen, Clown and New Baby, Oh My!

A couple days ago I exchanged emails with the mortgage lender supporting my current real estate listing, and somehow my kids came up. She told me I should bring them to the closing at the end of the month because she needed a toddler fix. After telling her I had a two- and four-year-old and that such a situation would be utter chaos, she responded, “Sounds like Heaven to me! My kids are all grown and [there are] no grand babies.” All I could think was, “Man! She is bat shit crazy!”

Maybe if I told her about the recent urine fest at the pediatrician’s office for yearly well checks, she’d change her mind. I am assuming you want to know about the urine now, right? Well…Pookie needed to provide a urine sample during this last visit, so the nurse gave us this cool toilet insert to catch the urine, and I was thankful. All I envisioned on my way to the office was attempting to catch a wiggly toddler’s pee in a small cup, so this was going better than expected. After she was done, I squatted in front of the toilet to show Pookie how to be careful when pouring the pee into the cup. Then it happened…the fricken toilet seat fell down and crashed onto my cup and insert, and all of a sudden it was like Old Faithful exploded. Only it was a fountain of piss.

I yelped/screeched very audibly and started laughing and even more so when Pookie looked at me and said, “Mommy! You splashed me!” Amongst the laughing I heard the nurse outside, “Mom, are you OK?” Ummmmm…“No!” The nurse quickly came in with Clorox wipes for clean up, and I used a few alcohol pads to wipe my dripping leg. Continue reading “Drama Queen, Clown and New Baby, Oh My!”

Real Estate…Not As Easy As They Make it Out To Be

What a whirlwind of a month; hence my blogging absence. Pat started a new job one month ago, after working for CoBank for 10 years! Since then our lives have been hectic. While he’s now technically working from home, he has been out of town three of the last five weeks, which means I am double timing it. If you’re a single parent, you deserve daily accolades. It’s tough!

My office space is now our storage area in the basement, and when I actually make it down there, it’s quite nice sitting amongst the toilet paper, mac n’ cheese, toiletries, diapers and kids’ clothes. I also don’t have a window, so I’m constantly losing track of time. The other day I went to wake the girls from their naps; instead of the usual 4:30 p.m., it was 5:15!

When Pat and I started our real estate investing company toward the end of 2016 we never imagined it would lead to where we are today. The path we’re on is not what we expected or planned. We have learned so much over the past 2.5 years, and had we not taken that leap and challenged our mindsets we wouldn’t understand the depth of available opportunities.

Flip or Rent?

Our original goal was to start rehabbing distressed properties…become the next  HGTV stars. 😉 We invested in a premiere real estate education program, drank the Kool-Aid and then drank through a firehose. We learned a ton and had enough education, coaches, mentors, and vendors in our network to be successful; however, the market in the Denver metro area was saturated with folks wanting to flip houses. The inexperienced investors were overpaying for anything and everything, and Pat and I weren’t willing to sacrifice our numbers to force a “deal” to work.

We turned to out-of-state, single family rental properties instead by leveraging my old 401K and Roth accounts and Pat’s old Navy account for two properties, and then used part of our Home Equity Line of Credit (HELOC) for another. The power of leverage is a wonderful thing, and once you start learning the possibilities you’ll want in the game too. Continue reading “Real Estate…Not As Easy As They Make it Out To Be”

Potty Training, Not for the Faint of Fart

As I write, it’s 9:20 p.m., and I am trying to learn the contract software I’ll use in my new gig as a REALTOR®, but instead, I got distracted by the dinging on Facebook…and now I’ve got potty training on my mind.

I am in an “Oh Crap Potty Training Unofficial Book Club” Facebook group, and I oftentimes respond to parents’ desperate requests for help because, let’s face it, potty training sucks! Potty training my now threenager was, by far, the hardest thing I’ve had to do as a parent. It’s also the only time I’ve read a parenting book since having both my babies. I am under the impression that, as parents, we ultimately know what to do when it comes to our children, unless there really is a severe issue. I’ve also found that friends who like to read and read and read and then Google are the ones whose imaginations run wild, causing more stress. Stop trying to figure everything out, and just do what works best for you and your kids. You’re likely very intelligent and a great parent already, but all bets are off when it comes to potty training.

It’s hard, and it’s emotionally draining for everyone involved, but I had no clue where to start, so I did read. One book. I highly recommend “Oh Crap! Potty Training; Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right” by Jamie Glowacki. It was a no BS-type of book, and it made me realize how disciplined and committed we’d have to be once we decided to start training. My suggestion, read the book before attempting potty training. There are even cliffs notes at the end, should you or your significant other not have time to read. I know there are some who claim their kids were trained in three days, but that wasn’t the case for us. It took us about two months, but she was day and night trained at the end of it. This post is not meant to deter or scare, but it is a dose of reality, and I hope it’s somewhat encouraging too. I seem to have become a potty training guru amongst my friends, hence my reason for this post.

Here’s how to start. Pookie watched and helped me put all of her diapers in a big garbage bag, and we took them to the outside trash can. (Of course I went back and hid them in the house later. Those things aren’t cheap people.) She was either completely naked or wearing just a shirt for a week, and we were at home that entire week, just Pookie, a four-month old and me. (Set aside at least three full days.) And talk about stir crazy. I didn’t realize Pookie and I were depressed until we took a trip to the zoo as a family a week after starting. It was like God parted the sky, and this beam of light shone down on us.

One of my best tricks…I gave her a ton of pedicures. I’d sit outside or in the bathroom with a bowl full of warm water while she sat on her potty. I’d soak her feet, and then leave one foot in the bowl, while I painted the toenails on her other foot. She would inevitably go pee, but in the moment I thought she’d never be able to go without having a pedicure. Continue reading “Potty Training, Not for the Faint of Fart”

Hey, Chris Harrison, Is This the Final Rose?

I have to be honest, I haven’t been watching “The Bachelor” this season, which means Pat hasn’t either. I know he’s secretly heart broken. So, after receiving numerous requests for Pat to rant about “The Bachelor” after he so eloquently told us about “Grey’s Anatomy,” I figured we’d have to watch a bit. Here are my thoughts before I welcome Pat’s.

That first episode was horrible at best. I pretty much skipped through the whole thing. They must have run out of material because they have likely realized the dullness a standup guy brings to the show. I am pretty sure there were three LIVE proposals during this chaotic first episode. Hopefully Bachelor nation enjoyed them because if that were my boyfriend, there’d be no future Mr. and Mrs. anything. How unromantic and unoriginal. And I am not even a sap.

I am also really not digging how much they’re using the fact that good old Colton is a virgin. It’s like they can’t find anything else to focus on, and instead, we’re forced to watch suggestive girls throwing themselves at Colton. This whole situation leaves me in a state of moral strife. It’s bad enough he’ll have the decision of fantasy suites, but there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. There’s also nothing wrong with waiting until marriage; I pray my children wait for marriage. I guarantee Colton wouldn’t be on the show though had he said he was waiting until marriage. That would’ve been waaaaaaaayyyy too traditional and unbelievable in this day and age. Instead he’s waiting for love. Meh.

It used to be that being a virgin was normal and expected, and if you weren’t you were considered damaged goods. We all remember “The Scarlet Letter,” right? Nowadays, if you’re an adult and a virgin, the thought becomes, “What’s wrong with you?”

Enough with my rant. Over to Pat.

What have I done? I berate “Grey’s Anatomy” one time, and next thing I know there are multiple people begging for my thoughts on “The Bachelor” too. So here I am with another guest appearance on the Juggling Work Mama blog. As before, I’m not offering any advice or encouragement; I’ll leave that to my wife. (Have you read Kathryn’s other posts?  Much more informative and inspiring.) I’m just going to rant about this season of “The Bachelor.”  As a reminder, I’m only half watching, or in this case, I watched the preview after the first rose ceremony, so there are gross inaccuracies that you’ll just have to accept. I realize this season isn’t over, but frankly, it doesn’t matter. Every season follows a simple formula.

Let me ask, what is the point of the preview? You see the same faces repeatedly for five minutes, effectively ruining any kind of suspense because you end up knowing the finalists. You also see half of the incredibly dramatic moments that have “never happened before,” as Chris likes to remind us. So why suffer through the rest of the season? The preview pretty much covered everything.

Speaking of incredibly dramatic moments, the producers pull the ultimate bait and switch every season, sometimes every episode. First, they build up the moment with preview snippets at least two to three times before the actual incident occurs. They lead you to believe one thing will happen, but it ends up being something completely different and rather disappointing. I remember one season of “The Bachelorette,” the producers led us to believe there was a knock-down, drag-out fight between half the guys in the house. You’re left wondering, “Wow! Did they really throw down?” Nope, not even a little bit. One of the guys got a bloody nose and black eye after falling out of bed. He was probably drunk, but we’ll get to that. The confrontation in the preview snippets were rearranged soundbites from the other guys that were taken completely out of context.  And we, the audience, must fall for it every time, because they do it all the time.

Another great part of the preview is the crying. Soooooo much crying. I think they spend half the preview showing people crying for one reason or another. During the audition process, they must test whether or not you can cry on command. As an audience, we need to know these are real people going through a very emotional time in their lives, where EVERYTHING is at stake. The best way for us to remember they are real people is to see them cry, which they do…a lot.

The magnitude of alcohol consumption hurts my liver, but it leads to funny moments, like guys falling out of bed, fully clothed contestants jumping in the pool right before a rose ceremony, falling in heels, petty arguments, unnecessary muscle flexing, irrational competitiveness, epic stare downs, and of course, crying. Has anyone pooped themselves or thrown up during the rose ceremony? Does a semi-truck pull up to that mansion every week to restock the bar? There probably wouldn’t be so much crying if this wasn’t such a booze-fueled false reality. Then again, they might need this level of lubrication to maintain peak crying so we can get emotionally invested in these characters, so bottoms up!

And make no mistake, these contestants are characters. They act in a manner and are portrayed as caricatures of themselves. There might be actual depth to these people, but they are reduced down to soundbites and facial expressions that convey a single, easy to remember, easy to judge, descriptor. Then again, I’m skeptical of anyone who would want to be on this show, so they might not actually have a personality.

Every season has four keystone characters. The Bachelor is not one. His job is to provide voiceovers of the week’s events, tell us he is excited and hand out roses. Though we need to acknowledge Chris Harrison’s indispensable duty: letting the ladies know when it’s the final rose. I don’t know what we would do without him.  Anyway, if people are going to emotionally invest in this season you need a hero, a villain, the winner and the voice of the house. At some points during the season you might have more than one lady filling each of these roles, but no one will care without them.

  1. The hero is the beautiful, personable, well-spoken and honorable contestant you would want to befriend in real life. You cheer for her vindication over the villain.  Even though she doesn’t win, you hope she’s the next Bachelorette since she deserves a happily every after.
  2. The villain creates strife by monopolizing time, taking advantage of others’ courtesy, having a delusional sense of her own worth and generally comes across as someone you would avoid socially. (Read b*tch.) Ultimately, she doesn’t win, but you’re furious every time she gets a rose at the expense of our beloved heroes.
  3. The winner is the last woman standing, and frankly, doesn’t matter until the last episode, if at all. She’s usually not a hero but someone you like enough. She will proclaim her love for the Bachelor and accept his lifelong marriage proposal, or at least associate with him until the last episode airs.
  4. The voice of the house is usually one or two women who get on the camera to let us know that some of the girls “aren’t there for the right reasons.” She isn’t going to win, but we like her because she says what we are thinking.

You know what would make the greatest season of “The Bachelor” ever? If the nicest, overwhelming fan favorite from “The Bachelorette” is tapped to be the Bachelor, and he makes the ultimate heel turn by becoming the biggest dick that has ever lived. Imagine this guy showing no courtesy, checking out other girls on dates, smacking butts, drinking to the point of unconsciousness, showing no signs of commitment, making suggestive comments, ruining dates, heavily criticizing the contestants, instigating fights between the girls and being a total pig when talking to the camera. Would the girls still fawn after him and seek his attention at every turn? Would they fight for him like a pack of jackals? Would it break reality TV? I could see this being the highest or lowest rated season ever—there would be no middle ground. How would the producers try to package it? I think this needs to happen. It would be far less predictable than a five-minute preview.

Make Your Time Matter

Here it is…the conclusion to my 2018 reflections, coming just in time to prompt you to keep up with your resolutions for 2019. Remember, it takes about one month to form a habit, so don’t quit! These last three points I emphasize are truly foundational for all you wish to accomplish this year, whether it’s improving your relationships, losing weight, being a better parent, starting a business, etc. I believe these takeaways will position you to succeed, as long as you force yourself to follow through and form the right habits.

Be intentional in making time for your spouse or significant other. Our little Pookie was a honeymoon baby, so Pat and I really didn’t have much of a honeymoon stage to our marriage. Everything happened so quickly, and before we knew it our “adventurous dates” consisted of making dinners or getting takeout and relaxing in front of the TV. We realized we were slowly slipping into a state of complacency, so our New Year’s resolution the year we were married was to go on a date night once a month. We have missed very few date nights since January 2015. It truly makes a difference. If you are married, or even in a serious relationship, set aside one night (or day) every month for you and your significant other. Take turns planning something unique and fun. Sure, dinner and a movie is nice, but don’t do the same darn thing all of the time. And this isn’t just for the newly weds. Even if you’ve been married for 40+ years, make this happen. Check out “Come on Baby Light my Fire” at the end of this post for date night ideas. You’re welcome.  Continue reading “Make Your Time Matter”

My Husband’s Rant

I was intending for this to be Part III of my 2018 reflections, but you all are going to have to wait. Pat wanted a piece of this blog action, so here he is in all his glory. Enjoy!

We made our resolutions; it has been two weeks, time to be back to our lazy TV watching habits! I’m actually of the mindset that “getting in shape” and “eating better” or “losing weight” for their own sake are woefully insufficient and the primary cause of failed resolutions. I’m finding that having a palpable goal that is achieved through your resolution is a more substantive and enticing accomplishment. But that’s a different blog for another time.  Today, I’m ranting about what my wife watches on TV.

We’re actually pretty good about not watching too much TV, but every now and then when we feel like turning our brains off after putting the girls to bed, we endure each other’s TV interests.

Kathryn’s guilty pleasures: “The Bachelor” and “Grey’s Anatomy.” God help me. I know women love these shows, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that these two shows are perfectly mindless, and the plots have only slightly more depth than the storylines of the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment for the uncultured). I have on many occasions been playing a mobile game or reading a book, and I can follow what is going on with these shows. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. Fair warning, from here on out there are likely some gross inaccuracies—I don’t need them pointed out. We’ll all just acknowledge now that they are there. Agreed?  Agreed. Continue reading “My Husband’s Rant”

Time to Clean and Refresh

Well, we’re at the start of week three of the new year, and I have spent most of the year feeling like crap. Speaking of crap, my one-year-old broke containment a couple days ago and got poop all over the family room area rug. So I grabbed the bottle of stain remover meant for animal odors and accidents and sprayed the crap out of the rug. Literally.

Then I go to shower Punkin’ down, and as soon as I am done I hear my three-year-old freaking out. “What’s going on?” “I sat in the poop!” “Seriously, I showed you the poop, told you not to sit there but to sit on the couch, and what did you do?” “I sat in the poop.” So then I had to shower her down. What is it with threenagers? “Oh, look, maybe sitting in this poop will give me some color.” Pat rented a carpet cleaner from Home Depot for the night.

That poop escapade was followed by a major threenager tantrum…likely the best I’ve ever seen. You know, the kind where she’s so hot she moves herself across the room on her back. Maybe we should consider exorcizing the house.

Did I mention I was sick throughout all of this? Continue reading “Time to Clean and Refresh”

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